Pop Psychology vs Psychology
- Rebecca Young
- Sep 19, 2024
- 5 min read
Updated: Dec 3, 2024
Author: Rebecca J Young
Psychotherapist & Counsellor.
CERT. Psychology. BA PsychologIical Science (Student -- 2022-CURRENT). ADV DIP Clinical Hypnotherapy, Psychotherapy, CBT & NLP. DIP Clinical Hypnotherapy, Psychotherapy, CBT & NLP. ACA & PACFA (Acc). DIP Children's Services. Visual Artist, Box Enthusiast, Beach Lover, Book & Craft Nerd, & Mother of 2 Humans & 1 Collie.
SUMMING IT UP: In the opinion piece below, I contrast pop psychology, often found in social media and self-help spaces, with evidence-based psychological practices Encouraging critical thinking and urging readers to question the credibility of self-proclaimed "healers" and avoid the unrealistic promise of being "fully healed." I emphasise how healing is a lifelong, individual journey marked by self-awareness and growth. I highlight the dangers of oversimplifying concepts like trauma and narcissism, noting that not all uncomfortable experiences are traumas and that healthy conflict and boundaries are essential in relationships. True healing and self-growth require persistence, humility, and accountability.
KEY POINTS:
Pop psychology differs from professional psychology.
The notion of being “fully healed” is unattainable; healing is lifelong.
Improved Quality of Life is attainable, which differs from being "fully healed".
Self-awareness is essential but not quickly achieved.
Narcissism exists on a spectrum, and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is complex.
Not all unpleasant experiences are trauma, nor is every difficult person a narcissist.
Healthy conflict in relationships is necessary for growth.
Boundaries, self-care, and seeking support are crucial and do not make one selfish or co-dependent.
JUMP TO:
In the age of self-growth and healing generational trauma, there is tons of information on how to reach a level of “self-awareness” and become "fully healed”.
I invite you to think critically and be mindful of what information you absorb and choose to take on your person as you scroll through the internet and your social feeds.
Where is this self-proclaimed healer
accessing their information from?
What are their sources of information?
What is their experience as a professional?
Is there any evidence to support their claims?
How does what they say sit with you and your current knowledge base and life experience?
What further research and evidence-checking can you do before you take on what has been shared as ultimate truths?
21 difficult truths I know to be real for me…
1. Pop psychology and psychology differ vastly.
2. The idea of becoming “fully healed” is fiction. This ideology sets people up for failure and is completely unattainable. Healing moves on a pendulum swing that varies from person to person.
3. Healing is a lifelong journey. However, living a more fulfilled life differs and is a choice you make every day; this is something that is attainable to everyone, no matter their background, history or present.
4. Life and relationships are complicated, beautiful, and messy.
5. Taking accountability for ourselves and our flaws is difficult.
6. Self-growth, self-awareness, identity and inner child healing work is both arduous and rewarding. It is meant to be challenging. Doing the difficult healing work is a choice for ourselves and a gift we give to ourselves and the next generations. Self-awareness doesn't happen overnight or during a one or two-day personal development course. Self-awareness is not something you can achieve in one or even a handful of therapy sessions. self-awareness involves accepting yourself fully in all of your flaws, imperfections and strengths and adopting a growth mindset. Self-awareness is a practice you choose to engage in daily; it does not come naturally, it takes persistence and effort to maintain.
7. Being self-aware is important and integral to inner work. However, Identifying as "enlightened" or “fully healed” demonstrates the amount of ego attached to an individual. Stay weary of these proclamations as they show how much further inner work an individual must undergo.
8. Not every uncomfortable or unpleasant experience is a trauma.
9. Not every person who prioritises themselves over you is a narcissist.
10. Not every person who prioritises their welfare over yours is a narcissist.
11. Narcissism is a spectrum disorder. Therefore, we all have levels of narcissism within us. Some of us have what psychologists call “healthy narcissism”. While on the other end, others who meet the specific criteria fall into the category of having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Not all people with high narcissistic traits fall within the DSM criteria for NPD.
12. While narcissism is a buzzword now, the diagnosis is real. The experience of victims of narcissistic abuse is real. People with NPD are often the most impacted by adverse early childhood experiences (ACEs) and trauma, which is a factor that contributes to why they have the diagnosis.
13. Narcissists are commonly UN-diagnosed as those with NPD have no or limited capacity for empathy, they typically play the victim, counter blame, and project their flaws and pain onto others. They live in denial and are unlikely to admit to having the disorder or seek help; this is precisely why there is no cure for NPD currently.
14. Having a need, setting healthy boundaries with others, and asking for help does not make you “high maintenance” or “selfish”.
15. Leaning on others for support in times of need does not make you co-dependent.
16. Being offended and feeling uncomfortable is vastly different to being triggered.
17. Remembering an unpleasant past event does not mean you have PTSD.
18. Conflict in a relationship is not the same thing as toxicity or abuse.
19. Healthy conflict in a relationship is important and necessary. How we resolve and navigate conflict is important. The conflict itself is not a problem.
20. Being in a relationship (romantic or otherwise) with someone who can remain kind during conflict is a positive sign.
21. Toxic relationships often involve being in a relationship with someone who counter-blames; for example -- they play the victim when they have done the hurting. They are unable to take accountability for their actions or behaviour. They weaponise their words and behaviour during conflict and lack the ability to own their mistakes or apologise for them authentically. They might attempt to control or coerce you, silence you, critique, name-call, judge and/or shame you. They often invalidate your experiences and make everything about them.
A gentle reminder: True healing and self-growth require persistence, humility, and accountability.
- Rebecca Young
Psychotherapist
CERT. Psychology. BA PsychologIical Science (Student -- 2022-CURRENT). ADV DIP Clinical Hypnotherapy, Psychotherapy, CBT & NLP. DIP Clinical Hypnotherapy, Psychotherapy, CBT & NLP. ACA & PACFA (Acc). DIP Children's Services. Visual Artist, Box Enthusiast, Beach Lover, Book & Craft Nerd, & Mother of 2 Humans & 1 Collie.
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