How do you help someone struggling with their mental health?
- Rebecca Young
- Aug 4, 2024
- 7 min read
Updated: Dec 3, 2024
Author: Rebecca J Young
Psychotherapist & Counsellor.
CERT. Psychology. BA PsychologIical Science (Student -- 2022-CURRENT). ADV DIP Clinical Hypnotherapy, Psychotherapy, CBT & NLP. DIP Clinical Hypnotherapy, Psychotherapy, CBT & NLP. ACA & PACFA (Acc). DIP Children's Services. Visual Artist, Box Enthusiast, Beach Lover, Book & Craft Nerd, & Mother of 2 Humans & 1 Collie.
A balanced, compassionate approach, grounded in listening, validating, and guiding toward appropriate help while maintaining personal boundaries, is key to assisting someone struggling with their mental health.
The role of a support person is to offer compassion, not to fix the problem. You can help the individual feel less alone by offering patient, non-judgmental support by listening openly and helping guide the person who is struggling towards professional resources.
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Debunking harmful advice
Contrary to advice to "push through" or "suck it up," discussing hardships, including thoughts of self-harm, can significantly improve mental well-being rather than worsen it.
Conversations Improve Mental Health
Have you ever been told to grow a pair?
Toughen up?
Let go?
Or to put your big girl or big boy pants on?
A popular belief persists that talking about life challenges is problematic or somehow makes you flawed or weak. However, this outdated opinion is a complete myth. Delving into conversations about difficulties such as feeling flat or having thoughts of self-harm significantly improves mental health outcomes, it does not worsen them.
Emotional Suppression is Harmful
Bottling up emotions leads to destructive outcomes. It's essential to allow the full spectrum of feelings to surface in a healthy way. What goes down must come up and out, and it will, and usually in the most destructive ways if unresolved.
Suppressing emotions has been found to lead to destructive consequences that continue to persist many years down the track, such as problematic drug use, addictions, and unhealthy relationship dynamics (just to name a few), which is why issues need to be addressed as they arise rather than ignored or minimized.
The Importance of Open Dialogue
Discussing hardships with a trusted and safe person improves our quality of life. Sharing challenges with a trusted person can enhance life quality and help a person build inner resources that allow them to better cope with their existing mental health struggles.
Know the Warning Signs
Be alert for any signs of worsening symptoms, especially if they mention self-harm or suicide. If you’re concerned, don’t hesitate to contact a mental health professional or hotline.
If you think someone needs help with their mental health, here are 13 steps to follow:
Assess the situation
Consider if you are the right person to offer help or if someone else might be more suitable. Ask the individual for consent by asking if they are comfortable speaking with you, or if they would be more comfortable talking to someone else.
Create a safe environment
Offering a safe space for the person to speak openly and be heard without judgment or criticism is an incredible gift and will do wonders for their emotional and mental well-being. Be patient and consistent: Offer a non-judgmental and calm presence, even (and especially) if their behaviour seems erratic or withdrawn. Allow them to share without any critique or unsolicited advice. Be mindful of your language by avoiding stigmatising or harmful comments.
Offer emotional support
Checking in regularly with simple gestures like "How are you today?" can make a big difference in the life of someone who is struggling with their mental health. Be patient, recovery can take time, and they may need ongoing support.
Respect Boundaries
Ensure the person is comfortable talking to you, give them open space and an opportunity to talk. Only offer advice if that is something the person has specifically asked for.
Gently Address Concerns
Gently express your concerns with them based on observed behaviour changes, "You seem quieter than usual is everything ok?" (or you might express you've noticed they've been different in another way in the last few weeks). Ensure you mention noticeable changes in their behaviour with sensitivity and discretion -- in a private or open place ensuring others can not hear your conversation.
Listen Patiently
Offer a listening ear without interrupting or offering quick solutions. Be a present and patient listener while they share, without rushing to offer advice, unless explicitly asked.
As you listen be prepared for a full range of reactions, such as relief, frustration, a joke, indifference, elation, denial, laughter, and/ or a flood of tears.
Validate Their Feelings
Let them know their emotions are valid, even if you don’t fully understand what they are going through. Avoid minimizing their pain. Comments like "chill", "calm down", "be positive", "you don't know how to take a joke", and “just focus on the positive” can be extremely harmful and damaging.
Instead, focus on the person's strengths and what they are doing right. Validate the person's experience realistically, acknowledging their strengths and giving them hope whilst also validating how hard things are right now. For example, "I know things are really overwhelming right now, and you are finding it difficult to cope, but I believe with the right support, you can get through this tough time, and I will be here with you the whole time in this way (explain in what way you are prepared to support them)".
Avoid dismissing or invalidating by saying phrases like "everything happens for a reason" and "I'm sure they didn't mean it". Validating is not agreeing, and in supporting the person, it is not your role to decide whether you agree with what they are saying or not. You are there to hear them and to acknowledge that you have heard what they have said, and you understand or at least want to understand where they are coming from. It is not your role to fix their problems for them or come up with solutions.
Your role is to create a container for them to bounce their own mind and emotions off of you. It is your role to listen and hold space for them reminding them that everything they are feeling in this moment is valid based on what they have been through or are going through, and to redirect them to professional support if needed.
Practical Help with Daily Tasks
Offer assistance with chores or practical help with daily tasks such as; child or animal minding, laundering, providing meals, offering to pick up groceries, help with errands, or anything that may feel overwhelming to them.
Encourage healthy routines by encouraging them to engage in activities like eating well, exercising, creating, delving into a hobby, socialising, going for a walk or getting sufficient & quality sleep.
Encourage Self-Care
Encourage them to take small steps toward self-care, even if it is just making their bed in the morning, showering, and putting fresh clothes on.
Suggest self-care activities that promote well-being and fill the individual's cup (rather than drain it), such as mindfulness, journaling, creating, gardening, any personal hobby, social outings, walking, exercise, yoga, time with animals, or spending time in nature.
Be Honest about Your Limits
Set realistic expectations about the kind of support and how much you can offer. Ensure you are clear, honest and consistent about the level of support you are offering. Do not overpromise or agree to things you cannot follow through with.
Be informed
Do your own research and learn about their condition or symptoms to better understand what they might be experiencing. Make sure you access your information from trusted peer-reviewed sources (not just pop psychology from social media). Knowing more about mental health can also improve your responses and support and reduce your own frustration or misunderstandings.
Encourage Self-help & Professional Assistance
Gently suggest they consider speaking to a therapist, counsellor, or healthcare provider. You can offer to help them get linked in with professional support that is suitable for them by researching professional resources or booking appointments if needed.
Suggest self-help strategies that have been helpful to them in the past and suggest new ones if they are open.
Act if there is a risk of harm
Urge them to take professional steps.
If you are concerned that there is a risk of harm (follow mandatory reporting procedure if you believe a child is at risk of harm), urge them to take steps toward professional help, such as calling a mental health line or speaking to their GP. If you believe there may be an immediate risk of harm call Emergency 000.
Seek Additional Support
Sometimes, the best thing you can do if you feel out of your depth is to reach out and seek more support for yourself or the person you are helping.
It is good to know that when and if they do access professional support, their psychologist or therapist will not be alone. Therapists often have a team to support them in their work; they might refer certain aspects of client care to other professionals for a more holistic therapeutic model. Additionally, they are provided with their own professional therapeutic support, such as peer and clinical supervision and professional and ongoing personal development training.
Take Care of Yourself
Your tank must be full as well! Fuel up when you need it so you don't start to run on empty. Supporting someone with mental health struggles can be emotionally draining.
Ensure you are also seeking support, taking care of yourself and practising self-care to stay healthy whilst you are supporting someone else. Having healthy boundaries and a strong support network is integral so you don't stretch yourself too thin.
You do not need to take sole responsibility if the other person avoids linking with other supports. This is not on you, relieve yourself of this duty if this task is feeling overwhelming or burdensome.
Remember: Your role is to offer compassionate support, not to fix the problem, and to help them feel less alone.
References
Mental Health First Aid Australia. Depression: MHFA Guidelines (revised 2018).
Melbourne: Mental Health First Aid Australia; 2018).
- Rebecca Young
Psychotherapist
CERT. Psychology. BA PsychologIical Science (Student -- 2022-CURRENT). ADV DIP Clinical Hypnotherapy, Psychotherapy, CBT & NLP. DIP Clinical Hypnotherapy, Psychotherapy, CBT & NLP. ACA & PACFA (Acc). DIP Children's Services. Visual Artist, Box Enthusiast, Beach Lover, Book & Craft Nerd, & Mother of 2 Humans & 1 Collie.
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